Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in saltinecracka4u's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
8:14 pm	Realizations I have decided that when I get back to school I am going to the school therapist. This has been the first year that I havent hung out with my friends when I was home. I have gone out twice over the month. The rest of the time is spent at my house. My dreams are haunting me and basically throwing the fact that I'm depressed in my face. Scott, Ally and Colin have all been worried about me and they all also agree that I should go talk to the pysco-analizer-apist. I figure they are right. At least then I could get all of this out of my head and learn how to express myself again. I have turned into a black coal. Some good news: My sister is pregnant. At least my mom will be alive to see one granbaby. I just wish she would be around to see me get married and have kids. Hopefully she can see me graduate at least. My life is dedicated to my mother untill she dies. Current Mood: depressed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 10th, 2006
2:31 am	This is what I think of instead of writing Finals... Evan's dad died a week ago. He's going to be very missed. It won't be the same with out you Jeff! <3 I just want to give Evan the biggest hug ever. My little brother got into a big accident last night. He flipped his truck (2004 dodge ram big ass truck) over another car. My mom told me he wasn't talking to anyone. I just want to know he's all right. Since this was his third accident, my parents, myself and my brother all loose car insurance. He has a lot weighing on his shoulders. I wish there was something I could do. At least my mom is doing alright. Although since I got to school, she has gone to the hospital three times for heart problems. Just minor things. It made me wonder if it's because of the ALS. Since the disease effects muscles and the heart is a muscle. Then I realized that, that could've been a sign because she had heart problems when I was in high school. I miss how she used to scratch the back of my neck. She was never really an effectionate person, she hated being touched. Now sometimes, I wish I could just curl up and lie with my head on her lap. If I lost her anytime soon, I know I would be so devastated. Evan makes me proud that he can handle his fathers death so well. Part of me wonders if its just a facade, but when you think of Evan and his family...you can see that he is doing alright because they still have each other and that's all they need. You never picture your parents dying. You always see them being old farts wheeling around a nursing home. To me, it seems that when you reach adulthood, you really get to see and understand what death is like. All my life, I have had relatives die. When I was little, it was no one important to me. Not untill my Great Grandma Wyman died in 2000 I believe. Then on my 17th birthday, my favorite grandmother my Grammie Olney died. She was actually my great grandmother, she was so young that I had always just called her Grandma although she was great ;). Then this past January, my grandpa Wyman died. At times I wish I could go back, and spend more time with them, apologize to others because I feel that i neglected them. As you get older you realize the truth of situations. I feel like I have been trying to hide, trying to become the little kid again because I don't like the truth. I don't like seeing what's going on. In effect I have desensualized (sp?) myself to everything around me. I wish I was able to express myself the way I used too, but I feel as though I have forgotton how. Current Mood: indescribable (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
8:54 pm	Bored and Waiting!! Waiting for my critque in Web Auth. and then Turkey vaca has officially started. TIME IS DRAGGING WAY TO SLOW! But I had a massive wave of home sickness hit me today. And strangely it made me miss all of my friends at home and how things used to be. I don't know, home is weird now cos we all don't hang out anymore. *sigh* O well, It's over. It's done with. I have an awesome boyfriend (that I constantly have second thoughts about) and awesome friends (only I few survive from home). Soon enough, The Bev will be my residence for the next year or two. Officially. I will have my cute little apartment, and it will be awesome!!! yea.... Fuck it. I have no idea what I feel right now besides confusion and a bit sad. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
3:41 pm	Misread fortune Alot is going on and most of it I can't talk about so I don't know what to do with myself. I'm really excited for school, then I can kindof relax since i have worked my ass off all summer. I love my parents but I have learned that they are better liars than I am! Maybe thats where I learned the skill so well...anyways... I'm going to my grandfathers house tonight. I want to take pictures before everything is gone. Plus I havent been in that place since I was 12. I guess in some way I feel like this will bring some closure since I was a bitch and refused to see him on his death bed in the hospital. It will be interesting that is for sure. Plus it'll give my new baby some excerise. (my new digi cam that is. I love my canon). As far as the real baby goes...I don't know how I am going to deal with a boyfriend that gets so easily jelous. He got mad I hung out with one of my guy friends alone. He of all people should know that I have alot of guy friends, considering untill recently he was one of them. Maybe I shouldn't of gotten into a relationship. *shrug* BUt I really do like him, and I love spending my time with him. I feel like I should do something more with my life than be a freelance photographer. I think I might take some buisness courses or something and start my own gallery. Location is key as far as galleries go.... So I'll have to pick a good spot. Current Mood: bored (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 8th, 2006
10:47 am	So basically I have no interenet cos it has been disconnected for the year....and I'm here all by myself till Friday, well after my housemates leave tomorrow! Friday was fun. There was a protest at one of the churches on Cabot St. They were protesting the minister marrying his partner. So my friends and I fagged ourselves out and went down there to help protest the protesters. It was amazingly fun! Singing and blowing bubbles with awesome strangers. And the best part about the protest... the gay haters never showed! They chickened out! We shall prevail over all! The rest of the weekend from there was ok. I threw my couch off my porch yesterday and cut my leg in the process. Now my porch is full of cushions so I can lay down and be comfy while smoking! woot woot. I'm waiting for Paul to come for his shift at the school store so I can go fix my final for photo that I fucked up. I really hope he gets here soon cos I also want to shower my self since I am noticing a dirty stench wafting up. Which sounds really bad, but it's not THAT bad. I just want to shower!!! Two classes and I am DONE! DONE! D-O-N-E DONEEEEEEEEEEEE!! yay!!!! (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 30th, 2006
4:18 am	Early Mourning Television I was trying to see what crap was on at 4 in the morning and I stopped at something that looked familiar. After watching it for a minute I saw E.T. peek from behind a televison and freaked. Don't ask me why but I CANNOT watch E.T. Give me blood, guts and gore but when it comes to fucking E.T. I wanna hide under my covers. *shiver* (Comment on this)
Friday, April 7th, 2006
1:56 pm	I'm too nice of a person So basically for the past month I have been working my ass off, looking for apartments for Ally, Brendan and myself. Well today we saw a sweet apartment, but umfortunatly it can only fit two people. And since they really wanted it, i made the suggestion that they could go for it and I'll just live on campus next semster. So I basically screwed myself over. They are going to get the apartment and I'm stuck with living on campus with fucking shitty people and all their fucking bullshit again. I wanted to be out and away from new york. FUck this shit. If it wasnt for me, they wouldnt even have a fucking apartment. SInce I have been the only one looking for them. FUck this. Fuck them. FUck everybody. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
5:53 pm	I beat Vic!! movie survery (x)Pirates of the Caribbean (x)Boondock Saints (x)The Mexican (x)Fight Club (x)Starsky and Hutch (x)Neverending Story (x)Blazing Saddles (x)Garden State (x)The Princess Bride (x)Young Frankenstien ( )Anchor Man (x)Napoleon Dynamite ( )Saw ( )White Noise (x)White Oleander (x) Anger Management total here?: 13 (x)50 First Dates (x)Jason X (x)Scream (x)Scream 2 (x)Scream 3 (x)Scary Movie (x)Scary Movie 2 (x)Scary Movie 3 (x)American Pie (x)American Pie 2 (x)American Wedding (x)Harry Potter (x)Harry Potter 2 (x)Harry Potter 3 (x)Resident Evil I (x)Resident Evil 2 (x)The Wedding Singer ( )Little Black Book total here : 17 (x)The Village (x)Donnie Darko ( )Lilo & Stitch (x)Finding Nemo (x)Finding Neverland (x)13 Ghosts (x)The Grinch (x)Signs (x)Texas Chainsaw Massacre (x)White Chicks (x)Butterfly Effect (x)Thirteen going on 30 (x)I,Robot ( )Dodgeball ( )Universal Soldier (x)A Series Of Unfortunate Events (x)Along Came A Spider (x)Deep Impact total here:15 (x)KingPin (x)Never Been Kissed (x)Meet The Parents ( )Meet the Fockers (x)Eight Crazy Nights (x)A Cinderella Story ( )The Terminal (x)The Lizzie McGuire Movie (x)Passport to Paris (x)Dumb & Dumber (x)Dumb & Dumberer (x)Final Destination (x)Final Destination 2 (x)Halloween (x)The Ring (x)The Ring 2 (x)Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (x)Practical Magic (x)Chicago (x)Ghost Ship (x)From Hell (x)Hellboy (x)Secret Window (x)I Am Sam (x)The Whole Nine Yards ( )The Whole Ten Yards ( )The Day After Tomorrow (x)Child's Play (x)Bride of Chucky (x)Ten Things I Hate About You (x)Just Married (x)Gothika (x)Nightmare on Elm Street (x)Sixteen Candles (x)Bad Boys (x)Bad Boys 2 (x)Joy Ride (x)Seven (SE7EN) ( )Oceans Eleven ( )Oceans Twelve (x)Identity total here: 34 ( )Lone Star ( )Predator I ( )Predator II (x)Independence day ( )Cujo ( )A Bronx Tale (x)Darkness Falls ( )Christine (x)ET (x)Children of the Corn (x)My Boss' daughter (x)Maid in Manhattan (x)Frailty ( )Best bet (x)How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (x)She's All That (x)Calendar Girls (x)Sideways (X)Mars Attacks total here:12 ( )Event Horizon (x)Ever After (x)Forrest Gump ( )Big Trouble in Little China (x)X-men 1 (x)X-men 2 (x)Catch Me If You Can (x)The Others (x)Freaky Friday ( )Ring of Fire (x)The Hot Chick (x)Swimfan ( )Miracle (x)Old School (x)Ray (x)The Notebook ( )K-Pax total here : 12 (x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (x)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (x)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (x)A Walk to Remember (x)Boogeyman (x)Hitch ( )Back Door Sluts 9 ( )Anal Acres 1 ( )Anal Acres 2 ( )B-Cup Divas total here: 6 (x)The Fifth Element (x)Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace (x)Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones (x)Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith (x)Star Wars episode IV A New Hope (x)Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back (x)Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi... (x)Troop Beverly Hills ( )Swimming with Sharks (x)Air Force One ( )For Richer or Poorer (x)Trainspotting (x)People Under the Stairs ( )Blue Velvet ( )Sound of Music (x)Parent Trap ( )The Burbs ( )The Terminator (x)Empire Records (x)SLC Punk ( )Meet Joe Black ( )Wild Girls ( )Clockwork Orange (x)The Order (x)Spiderman (x)Spiderman 2 (x)Amelie total here: 18 (x)Mean Girls (x)Shrek (x)Shrek 2 (x)The Incredibles ( )Collateral (x)The Fast & The Furious (x)2 Fast 2 Furious ( )Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow (x)Closer total here: 7 (x)Titanic ( )Saved (x)Bowling For Columbine (x)Farenheit 9/11 (x)The Sixth Sense (x)Artificial intelligence (also known as AI) (x)Love actually ( )Shutter (x)Ella Enchanted (x)Princess Diaries 1 (x)Princess Diaries 2 (x)Constantine ( )Million Dollar Baby ( )Envy (x)Eurotrip (x)Malibu's Most wanted (x)Big Daddy (x)Black Sheep (x)The Breakfast Club (x)West Side Story total here : 16 (x)A Christmas Story (x)Spanglish (x)Pulp Fiction ( )Sleepover (x)Evil Dead (x)Killer Klowns From Outer Space ( )The Seed of Chucky (x)Vanilla Sky (x) Nightmare Before Christmas (x)Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (x)Interview With The Vampire (x)The Crow ( )Purple Rain (x)Reservoir Dogs (x)Wayne's World total here: 12 (x)Wayne's World 2 (x)21 Grams (x)Blow (x)Edward Scissorhands (x)Clerks (x)Beauty and the Beast ( )Guess Who (x)Monster In-law ( )Elf (x)Stuart Little (x)Stuart Little 2 (x)MallRats ( )Chasing Amy (x)Dogma (x)Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back total here: 12 (x)Beetlejuice (x)The Last Samurai (x)The Amityville Horror (x)The Aviator (x)Romeo and Juliet ( )Barbershop ( )Beauty Shop (x)Legally Blonde (x)Legally Blonde 2 (x)The Forgotten (x)Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (x)The Grudge total here: 10 ( )Dickie Roberts Former Child Star (x)Grind (x)Winning London (x)Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (x)Half Baked (x)Walk the Line (x)Emperor's New Groove ( )Kronk's New Groove (x)The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (x)Office Space total here:8 end total: 192 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 12th, 2006
5:09 pm	Alright now Well, I get to go home tomorrow. This weekend sure has been and interesting one. For the exception of today i basically have been drunk since Wednesday. Well not completely drunk. I just needed to let go for a bit ;) I missed hanging out with Jeremy the other day cos I was drunk, that was the only downfall. *shrug* O well. But now I shall brace myself to go home, get back on track and figure out where I am to go from here. I need to take this time to think about alot of things. I have been stuck in a dream world all day. There are a few many things that could make life perfect right now. But I am going to settle for things being just fine ;) (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
6:00 pm	Fucking Bullshit Ok I don't know what is with me today. It must be the gloomy weather. Gloomy weather brings gloomy moods. I don't know why I got bummed out when my mom told me she wanted to buy me a new bed, go cloathes shopping and go to the movies when I get home over break. I guess it bummed me cos I knew she wouldn't be able to do all that. It's so hard for her to walk. And I also feel creepily obsessed cos I always want to hang out with Jeremy. And Chris is being Chris again. He's already calling me begging me to to help him cheat on his girlfriend. The girlfriend he's going to move in with soon. WTF?!?! I want to say that I am being so strong through all the shit that is going on in my life, but I can feel it slowly chip away. My fucking dog died last weekend. So when I go home he won't be there to great me. In one school year... four deaths. Two relatives, my cat and my dog. How much more is going to happen? I already have lost some good friends and a guy I loved. Grrr. Get in a better mood Shelly. Do it. Do it now! (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
1:04 pm	It worked! Spur-of-the-moment impulses light up your social life, and just when you need some cheering up, too. Flirtatious interactions and general merriment help you see that life can be very sweet when you least expect it. Last night was amazing. :) (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
8:03 pm	Another day I have been so off my game lately. Nothing seems to work anymore. And when i wake up it takes me a long time to figure out where I am. I dunno. Maybe all the stress of home is finally taking a toll on me. It's life, Shit happens. Right? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
9:06 pm	Gotta Love Over Analyzing shit Ok so I went to see what Jeremy was doing tonight. He said that he was going to smoke and then sleep cos he was tired and asked what I was doing and I just said looking for something to do cos there was no morning classes. He was like O yea give me a call. So I called him twice and got his voicemail... Maybe he fell asleep? Maybe I should just stop trying. O and my brother is apparently selling drugs now. I feel like such a bad role model since I am the pothead sister... He hasn't been the same since grandpa died. (Comment on this)
8:50 am	Sometimes I wish I could trip so fucking hard that I would never be sane again. How else would I be able to live in a dream world forever? Aparently the other night I was hysterically crying about my mom for over 20 minutes. I don't remember cos I was drunk. Well I remember but I choose to deny cos I know I was very slobbery. Now I kinda feel like I'm tip toeing around, making I don't do anything to get upset over, but at the same time I feel like nothing can bring me down. Why do we have to change? Why do we have to grow old and loose everything we thought would stay with us forever? Let me stay in my dream world forever. Let me stay where I am in control. Let me stay where I know I will be loved forever. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 17th, 2006
7:09 pm	o yea <td align="center"> shelly -- [noun]: A person of questionable sanity who starts their own cult 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td> Other than that, I don't know how things are going. Chris is moving so he can be closer to Darcy. I don't think I'm cute enough or cool enough for this kid to hang out with me. I just want Sam and Silvia to get here. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
9:12 pm	Nervous So I called this kid that I think is cute to see if he wants to hang out. First off, I called him while he was in class so I freaked. But then he said that he would call me when he got out. At least he said he would hang out with me. Now I just have to wait and see if he actually calls... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
6:04 pm	Zombie Dream interpretation.... To see or dream that you are a zombie, suggests that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are feeling out of touch. Alternatively, it may indicate that you are feeling dead inside and are simply going through the motions of daily living To see sperm in your dream, symbolizes masculinity and/or fertility. It also indicates the potential for growth and development. (The color yellow) If the dream is an unpleasant one, then the color represents cowardice and sickness. You may have a fear or an inability to make a decision or take action. To dream that you are having sex with an ex or someone who is not your current mate, denotes your reservations about embarking in a new relationship or situation. You may feel nervous about exposing yourself or currently feel a resurgence of those old emotions and feelings that you felt back when you and your ex were together. So basically I could have come up with that by myself.... (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
4:46 pm	Dreams I had a wierd dream last night. I was at my grandfathers house with my father, mother and aunts. Chris was also there. We were all basically cleaning out and going through stuff. When we came to the basement we found this really cool room that was basically a chill room with couches and a small kitchen if we were too lazy to go upstairs and get food. It was from the 70's cos of all the patterned fabric that was on the couches. this dream wasn't about anything important, we were just sorting through stuff, and Chris was talking to someone who wasn't there. The last dream I had that I remembered, Beverly was over taken by zombies and Chris thought "it's the end of the world, lets have sex!" and he had on this nasty condom with this disgusting yellow liquid so I just walked away from him. It was funny tho cos someone told me in my dream that 54% of the world was zombies now and 3% were in Beverly... so that woulda made it Zombie capital. Then of course there was this crazy old lady I had locked in a room that was telling me about how her husband made her have zombie babies. And in her flash back there were three girls sitting facing the wall, they all had gashes in their backs. A man walked in and said "look at my good lil boys" and the lady screamed "theyre girls dammit" I dunno I have just been having vivid wierd dreams. But the one I had last night had all the key players from my month of hell. Considering we were in my grandfathers house, my family was there and so was chris. Grrrrrr Why did everything have to leave? (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
2:28 am	I pounded a beer in front of the chief of police and sat down and did five shots with my dad. I love hearing stories about my grandfather. I love him. Really. I'm sorry I haven't cried. It's just hard when you haven't seen someone in so long. And you refuse to see them wasting away in the hospital. Remember what he was. Not what he has become. He was a lonely man, abandoned by his family. Then again he pushed them away. My father was the only one that would put up with his shit. i just refused to believe he was as much as an alcoholic as everyone told me he was. So I stayed away. I'm sorry grandpa. You know I loved you. You know that I have always loved you. Collecting acorns and burrying them in your yard. Doing tractor races. Playing with wooden blocks on the floor... i'll never forget you. I'll never deny loving you. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
9:16 pm	2nd week of a new year Sunday: I saw Bloodrayne with Pat... I got very annoyed with that kid Monday: Worked 10-4 Hung out with Silvia, saw Ashley and her two ferrats and the new boy. Bumped into Suzie at Wallmart, which wasnt too hard cos she works there. Tuesday: Woke up and my father told me my grandfather had died. Worked 9-5. Chris came over after 730. He was acting really strange like very huggy and sad and kissed me on the cheek before he left. Searched through photo albums to find pics of my grandpa. Came across my moms file of my elmentary school stuff. Today: Worked 10-630. Saw someone come in, in a red flannel, khaki pants, and hat. Coulda sworn it was my grandfather. Tomorrow: Work 9- whenever I am done. Hang out with Neil. Friday: Grandpa's memorial service and family gathering afterwards. Saturday: packing and seeing if Chris will accompany me to see Hostel. Sunday:Back at school. i don't know how to feel, so I have beent trying not to. (Comment on this)